Perhaps I should introduce myself …

Perhaps I should introduce myself. This is no loser in love story … no Bridget Jones singing hapless love songs, no Carrie Bradshaw lusting over the unattainable, yet sexy and desirable Mr Big. This is more about the strong, self-sufficient female only wanting to settle ‘for the one’ in a world full of twos, threes and even fours.  It’s so unjust how a man can still be an eligible bachelor at thirty-five whereas a woman can be considered to be a spinster at thirty but I’m not telling you anything you don’t already know. That damn biological clock, it’s accountable for so many things.

As one ex-boyfriend pointed out when he turned twenty-nine and I was twenty-seven, that in dog’s years, I was so much older than him. Well, dog’s years or not, that didn’t stop him from crawling back with his tail between his legs when I showed him the door after one too many comments like that.

And the reason why I haven’t settled down? The question on every successful woman’s lips is where are all the good men in this world? If most men are not able to commit in their early to mid twenties, then by logical deduction, there must be a whole generation of late 20’s and thirty-somethings that are ready to settle down or is this just an urban myth?

Prince Charles left Diana for the portly Camilla, Elizabeth Hurley’s Hugh was caught soliciting prostitutes and Oliver Martinez allegedly kept on cheating on the lovely Ms Minogue. If these successful, gorgeous and talented women cannot find men who can commit to them, what hope is there for us mere mortals not burdened with good looks, cosmetic deals and million dollar account balances. It’s a sobering thought.

It takes a man of calibre recognize and acknowledge a woman of quality. Men in Australia seemingly have no problems whistling at their object of desire in the street or the refuge of their hotted up car, goggling at a woman in the gym in the comfort zone amongst their mates or peering down a woman’s top whilst several stories high on a construction site. However, they seemingly have a problem approaching attractive, confident women without the safety net of their friends.

Men who lack the self confidence to approach women who are confident and instead lower their expectations to be with someone who won’t leave to be with someone else. A lot of men are self-assured because of their friends, their job, car or background, validating their existence. If you take these external factors away, how confident are most men really?

So what do you do if you’re considered out of most men’s league? Do you pick up your bat and ball and stay out of the ball game? I’m not a waterboy. Or do you wait for the one that you really want?

There’s a common perception that there must be something wrong with you if you’re not married by a certain age but I think the more you have to offer, the harder it is to find a partner who will satisfy you. For me being single is an active choice that I have made. I always seem to be asked why I’m not married by sleazy, undesirable men I’ve just rejected. Now Alainis, that’s the definition of irony.

If women are like parking spots and the best spots are already taken or disabled, then men just need to work harder to get the spots reserved for very important people. High maintenance these days seem to fall into the realm of expecting a guy to call when he says he is going to and turning up on time. I say this is just basic manners.

In the era of Sex and the City and the sexy, single thirty-somethings, women everywhere should revel in their singledom. You are amongst an esteemed group of women who are gorgeous and intelligent and want a man who will mirror them in every way. I say it’s not women who are lacking but men.

Yet despite all this, I don’t prescribe to the popular ‘all men are bastards’ theory either. It is very easy to blame men for their actions when women are simply making the wrong choices. For every man who is a bastard, there are at least ten women who have readily accepted that behaviour. It is time for women to take back the control, take responsibility for their actions and not to accept less than they deserve to conform to societal pressures to settle down.

The self worth of a woman seems determined by her partner whilst a man’s self worth is derived from their profession. A woman can be the CEO or the head of her department but still be considered unsuccessful because of her single status whilst a proud family man can be in the same position screwing (because calling it sex gives it way too much dignity) his secretary and be hailed a hero.

How could we come so close to the notion of independence financially and emotionally? As a woman, can we really have it all? We are only limited by the constraints we put on ourselves.

If women stop collectively judging each other by our marital status and appearance and start judging each other by the same guidelines we judge men by, then perhaps we would be closer to achieving the equality we are desperately striving for.


  1. Tessa, 5 March 2009, 3:41 pm

    Wow, very wise. That’s it, i won’t accept bad behaviour, because then the men get away with it and will treat the next just as poorly!
    I agree, calling when you say you will, is manners, not the woman being high maintenance.
    Well said sister!

  2. Eadwine, 12 July 2009, 5:55 pm

    Bad behavior is why I have just given up on them altogether LOL! I find I am MUCH happier on my own, and if someone comes by.. well.. maybe that will be fun, but he’s NOT moving into my house as that is MY domain.

    After having been divorced, and in a relationship again after that and now happily on my own, I think I can say that I know what I am talking about *grin*

  3. Suicides Eve, 13 July 2009, 12:53 am

    So true. I would rather be single and happy then taken and feeling like I could do better. I think we as women should stop enabling their behaviors (even though that’s what we do). Myself, I hate being consider an visual object, I breath,live, eat- I’m a person please don’t pelvic thrust yourself in my direction, it’s tacky. I guess the sayings true” All the good men are either gay or taken”

  4. Teri LaFlesh, 13 August 2009, 3:30 pm

    What you say is wise and totally true. It really got me thinking. There are great guys out there, but you really have to be willing to look, be creative, and not be afraid to make the first move sometimes (in my opinion, the best guys are the shy ones). Though it’s great to find a great guy, there is also so much joy in being single, too. I think it’s all a matter of sacrificing one thing for the other. Sure, you can end up having a long term relationship with someone, but you often have to give up precious alone time or space, or other quirks. I think society does place too much importance on being in a relationship. We can be plenty happy on our own just as well as when we are with someone.

  5. dave, 28 October 2011, 12:01 am

    Or…. you passed up really great guys who : Did not dress to your satisfaction,
    you could not find “chemical attraction” for them’ , you thought were too “nice”, or you thought were boring.

  6. Gillian, 28 October 2011, 7:12 am

    I cannot remember when I wrote this but it was when I was in my early 30s. I definitely I passed up men who were nice guys. There was a stream of them in my mid to late 20s but I had come out of a bad relationship and I just wasn’t ready.

    I’ve never been that person to go for the hot guy. I’ve always liked men who were attractive but also nice and genuine people. My parents set the benchmark and I don’t think any guy has really lived up to that standard.

    In fact most of them couldn’t appreciate my mother and I could never be with a guy who didn’t love my parents as much as I do. In general I like people who are kind and caring towards others and there are not that many out there in the world like that let alone of the opposite sex.


Write a comment:

Loading ... Loading ...