30 is the new black

Perhaps I should introduce myself. This is no loser in love story … no Bridget Jones singing hapless love songs, no Carrie Bradshaw lusting over the unattainable, yet sexy and desirable Mr Big. This is more about the strong, self-sufficient female only wanting to settle ‘for the one’ in a world full of twos, threes and even fours.  It’s so unjust how a man can still be an eligible bachelor at thirty-five whereas a woman can be considered to be a spinster at thirty but I’m not telling you anything you don’t already know. That damn biological clock, it’s accountable for so many things.

As one ex-boyfriend pointed out when he turned twenty-nine and I was twenty-seven, that in dog’s years, I was so much older than him. Well, dog’s years or not, that didn’t stop him from crawling back with his tail between his legs when I showed him the door after one too many comments like that.

And the reason why I haven’t settled down? The question on every successful woman’s lips is where are all the good men in this world? If most men are not able to commit in their early to mid twenties, then by logical deduction, there must be a whole generation of late 20’s and thirty-somethings that are ready to settle down or is this just an urban myth?

Prince Charles left Diana for the portly Camilla, Elizabeth Hurley’s Hugh was caught soliciting prostitutes and Oliver Martinez allegedly kept on cheating on the lovely Ms Minogue. If these successful, gorgeous and talented women cannot find men who can commit to them, what hope is there for us mere mortals not burdened with good looks, cosmetic deals and million dollar account balances. It’s a sobering thought.

It takes a man of calibre recognize and acknowledge a woman of quality. Men in Australia seemingly have no problems whistling at their object of desire in the street or the refuge of their hotted up car, goggling at a woman in the gym in the comfort zone amongst their mates or peering down a woman’s top whilst several stories high on a construction site. However, they seemingly have a problem approaching attractive, confident women without the safety net of their friends.

Men who lack the self confidence to approach women who are confident and instead lower their expectations to be with someone who won’t leave to be with someone else. A lot of men are self-assured because of their friends, their job, car or background, validating their existence. If you take these external factors away, how confident are most men really?

So what do you do if you’re considered out of most men’s league? Do you pick up your bat and ball and stay out of the ball game? I’m not a waterboy. Or do you wait for the one that you really want?

There’s a common perception that there must be something wrong with you if you’re not married by a certain age but I think the more you have to offer, the harder it is to find a partner who will satisfy you. For me being single is an active choice that I have made. I always seem to be asked why I’m not married by sleazy, undesirable men I’ve just rejected. Now Alainis, that’s the definition of irony.

If women are like parking spots and the best spots are already taken or disabled, then men just need to work harder to get the spots reserved for very important people. High maintenance these days seem to fall into the realm of expecting a guy to call when he says he is going to and turning up on time. I say this is just basic manners.

In the era of Sex and the City and the sexy, single thirty-somethings, women everywhere should revel in their singledom. You are amongst an esteemed group of women who are gorgeous and intelligent and want a man who will mirror them in every way. I say it’s not women who are lacking but men.

Yet despite all this, I don’t prescribe to the popular ‘all men are bastards’ theory either. It is very easy to blame men for their actions when women are simply making the wrong choices. For every man who is a bastard, there are at least ten women who have readily accepted that behaviour. It is time for women to take back the control, take responsibility for their actions and not to accept less than they deserve to conform to societal pressures to settle down.

The self worth of a woman seems determined by her partner whilst a man’s self worth is derived from their profession. A woman can be the CEO or the head of her department but still be considered unsuccessful because of her single status whilst a proud family man can be in the same position screwing (because calling it sex gives it way too much dignity) his secretary and be hailed a hero.

How could we come so close to the notion of independence financially and emotionally? As a woman, can we really have it all? We are only limited by the constraints we put on ourselves.

If women stop collectively judging each other by our marital status and appearance and start judging each other by the same guidelines we judge men by, then perhaps we would be closer to achieving the equality we are desperately striving for.