30 is the new black

When the saying ‘I am woman, hear me roar’ was coined, I don’t think women being called cougars and depicted as ‘preying’ on younger men was exactly what they had in mind.

There is no difference to a man dating a woman ten or more years younger than him but once again, women are reduced to and defined by their sexuality.

But is it really women who are furthering the cougar movement as the media and popular culture would like to suggest or are aggressive young cubs pursuing older women eager for some Mrs Robinson action?

I would like to put an argument forward that it is the other way around.

All of a sudden it appears that women who are in their 30s and single are being called cougars irrespective of whether they are dating younger men or not. There is nothing wrong with dating a man or woman who is a few years younger than you. However, if you are deliberately chasing men who are ten or more years younger, then in my opinion, you’re in cougar territory.

Men who throw themselves shamelessly at women sexually is not a new phenomenon but there has been an increasing amount of men in their 20s who are aggressively pursuing older women. Fuelled by media reports that women in their 30s are gagging for it, they have become more blatant and obvious.

But let me let you in on a little secret … by the time most attractive woman reaches her 30s, she probably has a list of exes, friends with benefits or men offering their services. Unlike men, most women don’t usually have to work hard to get sex. So you may think that you’re doing a woman in their 30s a community service and they are grateful but the reality is that it’s the other way around.

And just for the record, I find nothing sexy about men in their 20s. I don’t find them physically attractive nor do I find them mentally stimulating. I am constantly being followed by men in their early 20s. I thought it would stop now I’ve reached my 30s but they have just become more aggressive. It’s not flattering; in fact it’s just annoying and damn creepy.

And it’s insulting. If a woman dates a younger man, it may just be through lack of choice. Statistics show that there are more women than men but in their 20s but this changes when a woman reaches her 30s, the dating tables are turned. Younger men are decidedly less jaded and bitter and come sans marriage, children and baggage but a lot of the time let’s face it, its expiration dating.

It may seem empowering for some women at first to bed a young man or woman who is a lot younger but like bed hair, it can go out of fashion really quickly. It seems to me that men and women who deliberately target younger people have insecurity issues, do it to recapture their youth and have a serious Peter Pan complex whether they are a man or a woman.

The only positive thing to come out of the cougar movement is the recognition that an older woman has her shit together, is well established, worldly and knows what she wants. Despite popular belief, the cougar often holds the sexual cards and with a well practised poker face, when the chips do finally fall, it’s the men or rather little boys who are nursing the sexual hangover.